French Cafés: More Than Settings for Selfies
The cultural importance and unspoken rules the French wish you knew.
I have no doubt that when scrolling through social media you have come across French cafés. A picture of a tourist, dressed to impress, at a French café with an espresso or a glass of wine has become the ultimate souvenir (a French word for “memory”), thanks in part to the hit Netflix show Emily in Paris. The aesthetics of cafés are ubiquitous but there’s a robust café culture bubbling below the surface. I want to help you, my fellow Americans, experience these sacred spaces like the French.
Cafés seem so informal. Now, after living on a square surrounded by cafés in southwest France, I have a unique perspective on the importance of these venerable institutions. I recently laughed out loud when I found myself muttering “oh la la,” under my breath as a tourist opened a large computer on a tiny café table. My American concept of cafés has changed unexpectedly and irrevocably.
You see, cafés are places to see and in which to be seen. But while you’re busy staging a selfie you are missing out on unspoken rules and rituals that make these places authentic French experiences.
First, what is a café? It is not a restaurant and it is not a bar, though sometimes it will have the word “bar” in the name. Much like porn, you know a café when you see it. Cafés have shorter counters. Bars have long bars. Restaurants have a host stand. There are usually cute tables and chairs outside and a handful of cozy cute tables inside. Around noon silverware and glassware will magically appear on half the tables. They open early in the morning and close when the owner or staff decide they’ve done enough business. There will be people drinking something but usually without food. Spend a couple days in France and you will get the hang of spotting cafés vs. restaurants.
A cafe ready for Christmas in Bayonne, France Photo By Regina Sinsky-Crosby
Cafés are the heartbeat of France. They are indicators of strong communities and the birthplaces of fraternity and equality. Trendy cafés are known to rise and fall with social and political movements but some quietly and dependably exist for generations. Trendy or dependable, there are some standard café rules. Here are my top 10 that may surprise Americans and the French will be surprised you didn’t just automatically know.
Café hours are firm and please, for the love of god, please don’t expect to eat. You can order alcohol or caffeine at any time but if they serve food it is only between 12:00 and 14:00 and 19:00 to 22:00. Wine before noon? No problem. Espresso at 8pm? Oui. But don’t even think of asking if a café serves food before 12:00 and they’ll almost never serve food between 16:00 and 19:00. Menus usually list which food items are available at which time. Often there’s a special, more elaborate weekend menu. One helpful tip: Check to see if the kitchen lights are on or off. The French are very careful with electricity so kitchen lights will be off when food isn’t being served. This may seem obvious but if you’re sitting down at 11:00 or 17:00 and you are hungry look for the lights. If they’re off don’t even bother asking for the menu.
When arriving and leaving always say bonjour and bonne journée to the server AND the table next to you. Greeting every table isn’t necessary outside when you often have four tables surrounding you but if you’re seating inside this is a must. The smaller the café the more important salutations become. Just a nod to the table next to you is good, too.
Order in French. Even if you don’t speak French just give it a try. My french is atrocious but I always allow the server to decide whether or not our communication will switch to English. It is safe to assume most servers in Paris speak English but this isn’t the case in the rest of France. I have lived in Bayonne for a year and only recently did one of my favorite servers reveal that she speaks English. Her coworkers were as surprised as I was. I still speak as much French as I can with her. I am proud to say I now get corrected when I use the wrong gender for a drink or glass. This is real progress!
French cafés will never encourage you to leave. When I first moved here I would sit in shock as someone would order a coke or espresso and then sit, for hours, and order nothing else. As an American who worked in food and beverage for a decade I feel real pressure to turn tables. In France there will be a line of thirsty customers waiting for a café table and it doesn’t matter. Once a table is occupied it is considered taken for however long the occupants wish. I often watch, with complete amusement, as servers pack-up tables and chairs and mop up around a solitary couple who will even order another round past the café’s official closing time. This concept of indefinite table time was hard to comprehend but now it is one of my most favorite French things. It’s égalité in action. If you can afford an espresso, wine or coke you can have a seat at any table for as long as you wish.
Where do you pay? Who knows? Not even the French! Two cafés on our square ask for payment when drinks are delivered. Two others require you to go to the counter to pay when you are done. At another you pay at the table when you are done. There is no obvious indication which café is which payment type. Obviously you can ask combien ? when the drinks are delivered but sometimes you just have to kinda feel it out and read the body language of servers. I’ve asked friends if there is a hard rule to café payment and they confirm there isn’t. One of the “silver linings” of the pandemic is that most cafés accept contactless payment for even the smallest of bills. This was unheard of pre-covid when most transactions required cash.
You can bring in outside food. This never ceases to amaze me. We have one friend who will bring an entire meal kit for her toddler, complete with dessert, despite the café offering food, sometimes identical to her meal kit. My jaw dropped when a friend busted out an entire box of crumbly palmier cookies for her kid. One neighbor has a bag of madeleines to handout to kids while she drinks. In the morning adults will unwrap a croissant from the nearby bakery as they take their espresso. In the evening I’ve seen the fish monger deliver oysters to an unaffiliated café table. I once watched a couple order wine and then eat an entire cake from the patisserie next door. Ask before you bring an entire cake or plate of oysters to the café but it’s usually completely normal. I am aware of a handful of rivalries (“Never order oysters from that guy! The other is better.”) so ask the server for recommendations.
You can get to-go coffee drinks but don’t expect a lid. Only one café in our town has lids and they’re made of paper. I’ve enjoyed watching people with small espressos and cute little latte cups walk slowly through town so they don’t spill. I’ve also watched and participated in unsanctioned to-go beer and wine. This is not legal but if you’re casual about it, well… just be cool. I also return glassware to the café. Once after a rugby match we had a dozen beer and wine glasses materialize in our kitchen, left behind by friends who walked over from cafés. I knew which belonged to which café and returned them, clean, to their rightful owners.
Dogs are allowed at cafés outside and sometimes inside, if they’re polite. There’s a sort of French “dog dance” I enjoy. First, the dog is on a leash tied to the table or chair. The longer the owner sits the less likely the leash remains tied to the dog. The dog then begins to visit other tables. Then the dog joins me and my dog on a short walk until it is called back by the owner. The dog will sometimes run back to me and my dog when we return from our hour-long walk. The leash goes back on when the owners leave. The best is when we spot cats in cafés, on leashes and on shoulders.
Outside food and an unleashed dog politely asking for the food. Photo by Regina Sinsky-Crosby
Tipping is a very real struggle for Americans. When we first moved here we would tip the café staff religiously but one day, once they realized we weren’t on vacation, an owner asked us to stop. I have since stopped tipping unless my kids break a glass or we bust out some outside food. Then I only tip a couple euros at the most.
Cafés are for being participants in real-time society. You don’t have to talk to anyone. You can pull out a book. But please don’t use them as an office. Laptops will get you some serious side-eye at the least, a request to put it away at the most.
BONUS: Push in your chair when you leave. You will see most French people do this. It’s a sign of respect and a sign that the table is available to the next customer.
I hope this list helps you enjoy French cafés more like the French do. I also hope my French readers see that what comes natural to you is often one of the most surprising things for Americans. Now if you will excuse me I am craving a café crème and neighboring croissant. Bonne journée ! À bientôt !